I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
