Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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