your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
