Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
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