I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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