I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
