I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
