Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
