Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
