I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
