i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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