Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pappa wants mamma naked
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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