you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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