How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
