We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She even gives head with a lisp.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
