This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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