I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
