I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize