I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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