i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
