He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
