I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
