you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
false alarm, still single
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
