Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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