On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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