The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
