Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
