Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
