her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
