I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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