She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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