mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
