You just made me feel so damn special
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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