My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
