U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
