toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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