Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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