he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
