you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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