Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
