Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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