4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize