i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
