can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize