You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
