I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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