This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
