I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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