Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
