i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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