I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
