You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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