I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
