My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
