This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
