It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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