I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
