final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
