your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
