I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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