she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
