How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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