I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
