By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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