I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
