So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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