So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
