Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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