my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
