I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
